The day I found out I was pregnant with baby #2
Today is a special day- If we rewind it back to May 25th, 2017!
Today is special because it's the day I found out I was pregnant with baby #2, my baby girl Emilia. Today was a whirlwind- I was becoming a mom of two, a mom to two under two, and a mom who was 5 weeks pregnant with a 6 month old already... (WHO AM I?!) I got pregnant with baby Emilia when I was 5 months post partum, I'm still shocked at how, but yes, It definitely happens! (gross, I know lol)
In this post I'm going to talk about how I found out I was pregnant, just like how I did when I found out I was pregnant with Andre, and my feelings of when I found out I was pregnant again just 6 months after having my son, it was a very emotional yet happy time as you can imagine. Hormones, you the real MVP!
Thank you for reading and thanks for staying with me!
Pardon my baby
Finding out I was pregnant with Emilia:
How I found out I was pregnant with Emilia is short, sweet, and completely different from when I found out I was pregnant with Andre... let me just add how CRAZY it is how different each pregnancy is and how different the body is in showing you signs that you have a bun in the oven. JUST CRAZY! When I was pregnant with Andre I actually had NO idea! I was on vacation to the Middle East, and even had taken a pregnancy test that had come out to be negative (i cried lol) When I got home, I was having pain from one of my ovarian cysts, thanks to my PCOS (thumbs up emoji here along with a HUGE eye roll) and had it checked out at the doctor which she had also concluded I was not pregnant! Fast forward a couple days later I'm in the office again with cyst pain, pee in a cup, leave for work, and get a text saying I was pregnant! I had no symptoms, no positive pregnancy test (I've never seen a positive pregnancy test- thanks to my PCOS) Just a big test saying pregnant, something I had always dreamt of was finally coming true.
Fast forward just one year later...
My husband and I were at home and I was in the kitchen cleaning up the dishes from dinner. I had continuously complained to him that I had been getting constant hot flashes. I'm in my mid twenties, so unless it's hot hot hot in a room, I definitely shouldn't be getting hot flashes, and I definitely hadn't worked out because let's face it, I never work out- but I try. I remember telling him that I'm not sick and my body had been burning up the last couple of days. Of course, me obsessed with Dr. Google started to google away and found that hot flashes are a common pregnancy symptom, and in my head I remember thinking theres no possible way. My anxiety was through the roof... I have a 6 month old, HOW am I going to handle this? Thank you google for always making our heads spin- we are, I know I am, your best customers! I remembered that I had an old pregnancy test upstairs and I told myself I had to take it the following morning to be sure and find out if I was pregnant or not. Tick tock, tick tock- of course I went to bed with full paranoia.. how does one sleep when they think they're pregnant, but they're not sure and are waiting a couple hours more to find out? Me, full on anxiety and paranoia waiting for the morning to hit, and it was finally here.
The next morning, the first thing I did was run the cabinet to find that test, and sure enough I had one. Still with my anxiety through the roof, I peed on the stick and waited. We all know what waiting for a pregnancy test feels like... forever. That forever feeling makes you think of so many things, so many what if's, and leaves your head and body with so many emotions. Whether you're ready or not, you will have the feels. I knew that if it was positive, it would be a challenge. Having a 6 month old is a challenge on it's own, but having a 6 month old and pregnant is a double whammy. I knew that if it were positive, I was strong enough to do it and that everything always ends up being okay at the end of the day. Five minutes went by, and my results were in. No more time left to keep the test upside-down with a surprise on the other side- it was time to flip. Will it be my first positive pregnancy test? I flipped over the clear blue test and on it read PREGNANT! A big ole pregnant with 5+ weeks. I remember not believing what I was seeing, I couldn't believe I was pregnant, but I also couldn't believe I was actually seeing a positive on a pregnancy stick (clearly this was a big deal to me, and yes I still have my test) After crying with excitement on my own, I came tracking down the stairs with my test to show my husband, I just couldn't believe it.
When I got down stairs I remember saying "Arash..." in my nervous voice, almost as if I maxed out the credit cards. Like hubby, we have a problem haha. I gave my husband the test and told him I was pregnant and that he was going to be a dad again! We were both so confused and both so excited, the both of us couldn't believe we were bringing another tiny miracle into the world. Our lives were about to get very busy, but we were so excited. I knew that the next couple of months were going to be hard, and it was going to be quite the challenge, but I knew I could do it. Not only did I know I could do it, but I knew that this little baby was about to have the most incredibly sweet, and loving big brother, Andre. God knew we were the ones of having Emilia and Andre so close, and I'm so glad and blessed that he chose us to be her parents.
Emotions and struggles:
Finding out I was pregnant set my hormones into overdrive. All I thought about was Andre, Andre, Andre. He was such baby still, how was I going to do this? How was I going to handle this pregnancy? Luckily, everything ended up being just fine throughout my pregnancy and manageable when it came to Andre, however, I was still very hard on myself. A big emotion for my was the mom guilt- major mom guilt.
1. I felt bad for Andre. I felt bad that he was still so young and I was going to bring another baby into the world when he didn't have the opportunity to be a baby on his own. Alongside of that, I also had the guilt of being pregnant during his core years. I wasn't going to be able to move as easy, I won't be able to pick him up as much, he doesn't understand whats going on, and I won't be able to fulfill completely being mom. I just felt bad, and it was a very hard battle to deal with. I had plenty of days that I would just cry because of the guild. I'm so lucky I had my husband, and a great support system of a family who always reminded me that though it's hard, my husband and I are giving him the greatest gift he could ever ask for. A sibling. Not just a regular sibling, but how lucky he is to have a best friend so close in age with him. In my head, I always knew they were right, so it made the mom guild a bit easier.
2. Like my pregnancy with Andre, I feel like I lucked out a bit again with this one. My morning sickness was far worse with Emilia than it was with Andre. There were plenty of days where getting out of bed was the biggest struggle- it was hard with a 6 month old and I was EXHAUSTED! Even though my morning sickness was bad in the beginning, I had to learn to just suck it up, I had a baby who needed me and even though I needed to lay in bed all day, I couldn't! I even ended up in the hospital for 3 days because of my morning sickness. I feel so bad for the mamas who go through HG throughout their whole pregnancy- I can't even imagine.
3. The stress. Even though baby wasn't here yet, boy was I already feeling the stress (Can probably thank the hormones for that) I can only imagine how imbalanced my hormones were from just having a baby to just making a baby, my poor body. The stress and anxiety was bad! I always have had anxiety, and throughout my pregnancy it was 100% heightened. I definitely did not have the relaxing pregnancy I had with Andre- his pregnancy was so calm and like a dream. With Emilia, my head was constantly spinning with so many questions, stress, and nerves. Most of my stress came from how I was going to manage two under two, and how Andre was going to be. With everything, Andre was always my only concern. I'd also like to give huge credit to my hubby, he was my rock! He kept me so calm throughout my pregnancy, and always knew how to turn something into a positive.
Now that Emilia is here, I often look back at how much I worried. Life is so different now, and I wouldn't change it for the world. All of the stresses and worries are temporary and after reading my post, I know that i have to do more of not worrying and living in the moment. Having two under two (Andre 18 months and Emilia 4 months) is not easy. Everyday is so different from each other, however, when I see their bond grow stronger and stronger every day, it makes it so worth it. It's not for everyone, and even though I'm only 4 months in, I would do it again.
Pardon my Baby