Our greatest blessing
I'll never forget this day, I'll have it forever engraved in my head as it was the day I found out my husband and I were expecting our first born! To note, I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) I've been a PCOS fighter since I was 14 years old, and it's been a struggle since the day I found out I had it. I would never get my period- I wouldn't have one for months and months. I would never ovulate, birth control barely helped me get my period, and I had to be put on Metformin from a young age to help my cycles become consistent. I've always wanted to be a mom, I loved kids, but I never thought it would ever happen because I suffer from PCOS. I felt like the odds were against me since I wouldn't get my period or ovulate. I especially thought the odds were against me because that previous year, my husband and I experienced a sudden miscarriage (Story will be up on my blog in the next couple of weeks) My husband and I would consistently have intercourse, and nothing would ever happen. At some point we even thought that maybe we should just start trying and see what happens because if we get pregnant we have to take it like a blessing, who knows when it'll happen or if it'll ever happen again. We started trying here and there on and off, still nothing. I had a couple of scares where I thought I was pregnant, we had peed on multiple amounts of "Clear Blue Pregnancy Tests" but they would always come out to be negative. No big deal, maybe the time just wasn't right, or maybe I'm going to need extra help more than the Metformin to get pregnant, which is very common for women with PCOS.
I was on vacation for 2 weeks to visit my family in Dubai, it was the best vacation, we had the best time. My cousin also has PCOS, I remember during that vacation we both even spoke about how we're probably going to have trouble getting pregnant and how we're probably going to have to do more things than just the Metformin. It's sad and scary to think about- the thought of not being able to have kids, we're both so young. This is the daily reality for women who have PCOS... Many people don't know about PCOS and what it does to a woman's body, there needs to be more research and awareness for it as It's a daily struggle to try to have a baby along with other health issues. Towards the end of my vacation, I had some bleeding which was weird. I wasn't sure if it was my period, but for some reason (out of hope) I thought maybe I could actually be pregnant, maybe it was "implantation" bleeding. I let my cousins know that I think I may be pregnant, and we went out to get a pregnancy test. I mean, It could be possible, my husband and I did have intercourse before I left for my trip. But in the back of my head, I also had to not get my hopes up since it's usually always a let down when I check for a positive or negative sign.
I took the test and we waited and waited, those 3 minutes felt like an hour (I legitimately hoped and thought I was pregnant) The 3 minutes were up, and there ya go, one big fat NEGATIVE. Oh well, it wasn't a surprise, good thing I didn't really get my hopes up. A couple days later it was time to go home, I arrived a couple of days after Valentines day. I was welcomed with a beautiful bouquet of f flowers, and my favorite box of cupcakes from Casey's Cupcakes, it was perfect. The week went on and while my husband and I would have intercourse, I would notice that I would be in the most EXCRUTIATING pain, it was almost so unbearable that I would catch myself crying. It was weird and I didn't know why... I started thinking to myself- "I wonder if I have endometriosis?" UGH not something else that I have to worry about, I already have to worry about not being able to get pregnant! The week went on, and I continued to have the pain. I was going to work, and carrying on with my normal day, it was bearable(ish) but eventually the pain got so bad that I finally went to the doctor to see what was going on!
In the morning, I went to the doctor to get checked out. I told my doctor that I looked up endometriosis, and I feel like that may be what wrong. All of the symptoms and pain align, I really have no idea what else it could possibly be. I took a pregnancy test a week earlier and it was negative, so it clearly wasn't that I was pregnant. My doctor started to examine me, she would push on the side of my abdomen and I would be in pain. She asked when she pushed down "Does this hurt?" "Does this hurt?" YES! I screamed yes every time, it was SO painful. My doctor thought two things, she said that she thinks it may be endometriosis, but she also things it MAY be an ovarian cyst, especially with my PCOS. To be sure, she scheduled me to get an Ultrasound on my abdomen, and on my pelvis the following day. I left the doctors office and started heading to work (At that time I was a nanny!) As I was about to approach the 405, my doctor called me back because she wanted me to leave a urine sample to check for pregnancy. Not sure why she wanted to do this considering I had just had blood work done a week prior where everything was clear and I took a pregnancy test over vacation which I told her was negative. I went back into the office, peed in a urine sample cup, and left again to drive over to work in Newport Beach, CA. When I was driving to work, I tried calling my husband to let him know what was going on, and how my appointment went, but unfortunately for some reason the Verizon lines were down and only texting was working so I texted him to let him know that I was on my way to work and I'll talk to him about my appointment when I get home.
On my way to work, shortly after I left the doctors office, my phone started to blow up. My family and I are very close with my doctor, so if something is going on after my appointment where its urgent, she'll usually just call or text me. My t doctor started to blow up my phone, I wasn't really sure why because I couldn't answer the phone calls that were coming through (Thanks, Verizon!) She continued to call, and call, and call- I texted her to let her know that for some reason I can't pick up any calls coming through and that only text messaging was working. That's when it happened, that's when I received the most UNEXPECTED text message, a text message that I never thought I would ever see. My doctors text message read "You're PREGNANT!" I was driving, I was completely shocked... my stomach literally fell to the tip of my toes. It was almost as if someone squeezed me so hard that there was no breath left to breath (Currently smiling as I write this, and I kind of feel like I have no oxygen- this story just makes me so happy) I was in so much shock and disbelief, I was just driving to work I didn't even know how to react, it was just so very casual. I was excited and maybe my hands made a little sweats and I think I let out a little laugh in disbelief! That's when I texted my boyfriend (now husband) "OH MY GOD" I left it at that, I just left it with "OH MY GOD" and continued to park my car at work. I received a text back from my husband which said "What's going on?" But I let it be... How can I be normal at work right now while withholding such incredible news? I couldn't keep it cool any longer, I had to get out of there asap, I just couldn't wait!
At work, all I could think about was how am I going to tell Arash that we're about to have a baby?! On my way home, I stopped by Babies R' Us, still in disbelief, I browsed around rubbing my little "non existent" baby belly bump (hehe) I browsed around, and found the most PERFECT onesie to come home with, it said "I love my daddy!" It was perfect because it was gender neutral and just absolutely adorable! I couldn't wait to purchase it knowing that my little human will be wearing this one day! I grabbed the onesie, I grabbed a plain bag (plain to trick him, that way he wouldn't know what's inside) and lastly grabbed the cutest we're expecting card ever- it read, "You have a bun in the oven!" The card literally had a bun in the oven, it was just perfect and I couldn't stop this smile from smiling from ear to ear (SMILING NOW!) I purchased the items and went straight to my car to get everything together to surprise Arash with, in the card I wrote:
"We did it! Life is full of the unexpected and new experiences.
These experiences are journeys that are irreplaceable. I never thought going to the
doctor today would lead me to find out that we are expecting our FIRST baby! I can't wait
for our little family to grow and have you by my side with love and support through the
greatest miracle and experience of our lives. I love you so much!"
I couldn't wait to get home to give Arash his little gift, I knew he was going to be just as happy and excited as I was. This was just SO unexpected, I really couldn't believe my dream of having a family with my husband was finally and actually happening after so much self disbelief. When I got home, I sat in the garage for a couple of minutes thinking about how I was going to present this news. I walked through the front door and Arash was on the couch (PERFECT!) I walked over to him and gave him the cute little bag. Of course his first question was "What's this?" and I told him "Just open it up!" I sat next to him, and he started to open his little present, I couldn't wipe the smile off of my face, it was probably as big as sitting on my couch in California all the way to New York. Arash started to open up the present and I started to tear up at the thought of what's inside the bag and how our lives are about to change in the most incredible way possible. And there the card read, "You have a bun in the oven!".... We both had tears coming down our face, this was by far the happiest and most exciting days of our lives (Aside from marrying each other, of course) When Arash started to read the card, that's when my waterworks started to REALLy come in play. These were happy tears, the excitement and happiness was killing me. Arash opened up the bag and saw the little onesie. The best part about this story is that today as I was writing it, Andre was able to wear it for the first time. He just started to fit in it!
Pardon my Baby